Tuesday, September 20, 2011


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What I am about to share to you now was inspired by a Youngblood article contributed by a fellow Cebuano entitled AM-MA (PDI, 5/7). Matthew Rich told of his experience at the time when his grandmother was dying from cancer. I too experienced the same emotions he felt and I share his pain.

I too was the favorite grandchild of my maternal grandfather. I was his pet and I shared so many happy memories with my lolo sitting at his lap and listening to his amusing never-ending stories about the crab or just hold his hand and bask in his unconditional love.

I also lost him through one of this modern societys killers - aplastic anemia

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(a cancer of the red blood cells). I likewise watched him transform from an energetic person to a tired, shriveled old man. But that didnt stop him from fighting for his life. I ached to ease his pain when all I could do was hold his hand. But it pained me the most to see him pray for a miracle when deep down I knew that it wasnt possible. For despite knowing that he was going to die, he continued to hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be allowed to live a few more years just to see me and my cousins grow up. He wanted to continue playing an active role in the lives of those he treasured most - his son, his daughter and his grandchildren. He was so proud of us, especially of me.

I am sharing my feelings to the readers of this column because I know that at one point or another, each one of us experienced the same loss that Matthew, myself, and all the other individuals who lost people that theyve loved. Remembering the experience may prove painful at first, but sharing it and knowing that there are others who feel the same loss or even felt greater pain sort of lessens your own heartache.

My lolo has always been a devout catholic, quite unlike me. But deep inside I know that when we die, our soul lives and does not perish with our mortal remains. Each has his own version of heaven or hell - for me it can be rebirth to a better or worse being, depending on how I live my life today. For my lolo, it would be the Christian Gods heaven and it brings my heart such joy knowing that he is finally freed from such menial troubles that beset us living mortals, that his soul has finally found peace.

And just as Matthew wrote, death ends a bodys life, not life. My lolo will always be alive, where it counts most, in my heart, and in my mind as well as in the hearts and minds of others who love him. As Amy Tan wrote in her book, A Hundred Secret Senses,

The world is not a place but the vastness of the soul. And the

soul is nothing more than love - limitless, endless. All that moves

us towards knowing what is true. I once thought that love was

supposed to be nothing but bliss. I now know it is also worry and

grief, hope and trust. And believing in ghosts - thats believing that

true love never dies. If people we love die, then they are lost only

to our ordinary senses. If we remember, we can find them anytime

with our hundred secret senses.

A part of myself died when my lolo passed away. But the pain I felt can not even surpass the happiness that he has brought into my life. Im glad I was given a chance to know him. I was lucky that he graced my life and touched my heart.

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